Space: Responsibility

“Between stimulus and response is a space.
In that space is the freedom and power to choose.”

Steven Covey



Let’s talk about Responsibility.

What is Responsibility? Responsibility means a thousand different things, but my “capital R” Responsibility means owning my power and ability to create, to choose, and attract.

Download The Responsibility Process®poster, and you’ll see it right there.

We have the definition of all of the mental states. If you haven’t already done that, do it. If you have already done it, then go and find your poster, and look at it.

We define the mental state of Responsibility as owning your power and ability to create, choose, and attract.

Our premise is this: we are always creating, choosing and attracting our entire reality.

We do it by our filters, our beliefs, our assumptions, our presumptions, our limiting beliefs, and all the choices that we make in line with those. And then we repeat it over and over and over.

And if you want to change it, it starts by acknowledging that you are creating, choosing and attracting your reality.

You’re just not usually owning your reality.

We often think the reality is imposed on us by “out there”, by the environment, by the earth, by the world. The truth is, your view of reality is completely created by you, and therefore, if you want to be different, it’s up to you.

Here’s what you can do today.

Start asking yourself how you created, chose, or attracted this – and start with the wonderful things in your life.

Then start to move to the not-so-wonderful things in your life. As you get answers, you’ll become more and more powerful.

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Responsibility Answers: Is The Responsibility Process different across cultures?

“The Responsibility Process itself is not different across cultures, because it’s nature. What is different across cultures is nurture.”

Responsibility Answers

Is The Responsibility Process Different Across Cultures?

I’m frequently asked if The Responsibility Process® is different across cultures. It’s an excellent question, because it allows for us to make a really important distinction about nature and nurture.

The Responsibility Process is not different across cultures. It’s not different across ethnicities, races, gender, age, level of education, authority status. It is not different at all.

Just like we’re all generally, born with two arms, two legs, one nose, one mouth, two ears, two eyes – we are also all born with The Responsibility Process as a cognitive pattern in our minds.

It works the same for all of us, and gets triggered every time something goes wrong.

So, no, The Responsibility Process itself is not different across cultures, because it’s nature. What is different across cultures is nurture.

Nurture, in this case referring to how we’re taught to cope, how we’re taught to Blame and how Blame is reinforced, how we’re taught to Justify and how Justify is reinforced. The same applies to Shame, Obligation, all of the stages.

Every time I’ve thought of an example, I thought that somebody from that culture could find it to be rude, or biased, or unkind for me to use that example.

Here’s a generic example from work culture

We have two companies, Company A and Company B. In Company A a mistake is made, and it’s a big problem – it affects all departments.

People are called to meet to solve the problem, and they meet, and meet, and meet, and meet directors, vice-presidents, managers.  They’re meeting all over the place, and for three weeks the conversation never gets above Denial, Lay blame, and Justify. This may sound familiar to you.

It’s “Not my department’s fault, we didn’t do that,” finger pointing, and it’s “The process, we followed it,” blah, blah, all of that. So, no results in three weeks from hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on executives meeting.

Company B has the same situation, big, bad mistake, big, bad problem, affects all departments.

The Responsibility Process also is triggered in people in Company B, except they come together, and they meet for two hours.

For the first half hour they bicker. Then they stop bickering, and they get into true problem ownership and problem-solving mode.

In another hour and a half they have an action plan, and they get to work producing real results to address the problem.

Now, here’s what you can do about this.

I want you to think about the difference between Company B and Company A. I want you to think about the nurturing.

By nurturing I don’t mean just positive nurturing. I also mean the negative nurturing, right, of nurturing the toxicity, of reinforcing the coping mechanisms.

Think about what was different. Make up stories in your head about what must be different between Company A and Company B.

This will serve you the next time that you get into one of these deep doo-doo problem solving modes in your company.

Remember to find lots of good stuff under our resources section, and remember that we’re always here for you.

We want you to win, and we want you to be free, powerful and at choice.

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Space: Freedom

“Between stimulus and response is a space.
In that space is the freedom and power to choose.”

Steven Covey



We say that getting into the mental state of Responsibility is the mental state of freedom, choice, and power. That’s why it feels so good.

It feels good because we believe that we have real choices.

We’re feeling resourceful, hence powerful. Powerful as in the ability to do, the ability to make things happen.

Mental freedom is an exceptional thing.

In all the positions below the line Lay blame, Justify, Shame, Obligation, you cannot be free. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, start here.

In the mental states of coping, we feel trapped. We feel stuck. We don’t know what to do. It doesn’t feel good, and we cope because we don’t know that it can be better.

Freedom means emotional freedom. It means mental freedom. It means feeling good.

Now, Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning taught us that liberty is a physical condition. It can be granted or taken away.

However, freedom, that’s an emotional condition. It can not be granted. It can only be taken, and it must be practiced.

That’s what I want for you.

Send all of your questions to I look forward to hearing from you!

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Declaration of Intention

Declaration of Intention: Owning Our Power

We are teachers and guides of a freer, more powerful way to live and learn.

This post began as a 2500-word clarification of a pivot in mid-December 2020. With team help, I split that diatribe into a “what’s new” email-turned-post and “what remains true” which is this declaration.

The Responsibility Company explores and advances Responsibility*-thinking using The Responsibility Process® and related tools.

(*Capital R Responsibility  — used throughout our writing — indicates our brand of responsibility which we define as owning one’s power and ability to create, choose, and attract one’s reality. The brand promise is that this way of thinking always translates to ever-increasing freedom, choice, and power for self and others.

Freedom means freedom from stuckness, coping, and self-torment.

Choice means experiencing abundance as opposed to lack.

Power means self-empowerment, i.e., the ability to be, do, and have what you want.)


So everyone who wants to experience greater freedom, power, and choice can do so. And so the impacts can spread to teams, communities, families, friends, and organizations.


Here are brief statements of our

  • purpose,
  • vision,
  • values,
  • mission (these four come from the excellent research-based Built to Last framework), plus,
  • strategy.


Our never-ending reason for being is to awaken freedom, choice, and power in people everywhere by altering how they think about personal responsibility.


We envision a world where all leaders lead themselves with The Responsibility Process. It is the world’s #1 leadership tool.

That means The Responsibility Process poster hangs in every office, home, school, and church in the world, where people put it to use in their thoughts and actions.


Our three guiding stars:

Responsibility. We own our power and ability to create, choose, and attract our reality.

We demonstrate this in everything we do — and respond to — every day. It is our prime directive.

Service. We are in service to you and to each other. We earn your business by serving first.

Love. Growth, change, and healing accrue fastest under conditions of loving-kindness and compassion.


Our current focus is to make a huge dent in the leadership space by showing that leadership is Responsibility. (More, more, and even more.)

How many Responsibility practitioners in our community will it take to achieve this? 10,000,000? 100,000,000?


Create happy customers and earn superfans.

Our core tactic for doing this is creating valuable content for you at no cost to you.

Our Big Why

Most elements of society teach good people the opposite of true freedom.

Too many people in this world don’t feel in charge of their life. I’m not referring to the under-privileged and down-trodden. I mean solid, smart, motivated people. People with “good” careers, jobs, homes, credit, and savings.

A scarce few are aware that our life could be so much better.

However many, perhaps most, aren’t aware. We’ve been taught to believe “that’s just the way it is.”

And so we believe that’s just the way it is.

I’m talking about good-wage-earning successful-on-the-outside people who are wearing their “be-cool” mask while suffering on the inside.

Pop Quiz: Right now, are you feeling 97-100% GREAT about things? Are you feeling free, powerful, and full of amazing options most of your waking minutes? Or are you hoping that there is “more”, that your “luck” will turn, that an external circumstance will change so you can stop struggling?

(You aren’t alone. And I hope you don’t take solace in that.)

How much of the time do you put on your be-cool mask? And for whom? Your family. Your colleagues. People you say that you don’t even care about?

How about those around you? Most aren’t 97-100% GREAT for the bulk of their waking minutes either.

No. They are struggling. They too feel trapped in a life that they don’t want and don’t know how to change. They cope.

Hundreds of millions of us (more likely billions). Trapped (but looking good on the outside).

(You may ask: “Why is it this way? Where did well-intended parents and schools and society get off the rails?”

The short answer is that most of us are raised to be “good”, not to actually be self-aware, self-empowered, and free.

Hence being a good responsible citizen is not the same as taking 100% Responsibility for your life. This is described as the cultural trance in the introductory chapter of The Responsibility Process: Unlocking Your Natural Ability to Live and Lead with Power.

My own work with The Responsibility Process, and thousands of students, teaches that we need not remain trapped. We can tap into our natural ability to live and lead with power.)

This (i.e., being trapped and thinking “that’s just the way it is”) negatively impacts their

  • own life and humanity,
  • potential and their real contribution,
  • relationships, and
  • teams, communities, jobs, neighborhoods, careers, and organizations.

Responding to problems large and small

One of our mottos is Lead Yourself First. We differentiate ourselves in the world of leadership development (and coach development) by taking the stand that leadership is responsibility. Period.

What this means is that we value understanding and demonstrating Responsibility more than we value all the current focus on leadership traits and skills. I’ve spoken out about how misguided I believe the leadership development industry is.

Leadership is the by-product of taking ownership for an initiative, problem, or opportunity bigger than you, and attracting help to get it done.

Leadership is not title, role, status, style, or even behavior. Leadership is a natural self-expression. It’s a consequence of pursuing a purpose larger than oneself.

If, in such an undertaking, you practice Responsibility-thinking, and clearly demonstrate your beliefs, values, and principles, then it should not be a surprise at all to see people lining up to help — i.e., team with, follow — you.

Thus, studying, committing to, and practicing Responsibility-thinking is the foundation for developing oneself as a leader.

That’s why I don’t profess to teach leadership. I just teach Responsibility-thinking so you can lead yourself to greater expressions of freedom, power, and choice.

A Choice Point (and COVID endnote)

This Declaration of Intention was prompted by The Responsibility Company’s second major  COVID pivot in 2020. While the declaration is meant to state what has always been true, it is compelling to assess this declaration through the current lenses of change.

These current world crises (you know what they are — from pandemic to economics to poverty to climate change…) present millions of opportunities for individuals to step up to new initiatives, problems, and opportunities. These exist in every facet of society in every country, province, state, town, and neighborhood.

And I don’t know anything that can make a greater impact than bringing Responsibility-thinking to work in your life, team, communities, and organizations.

While the crises have brought so much harm to so many, they have also taught us that perhaps the rat race that we were blindly running pre-COVID isn’t so important — not so satisfying after all. Merely addicting.

We may just have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to develop new normals. New normals that support

  • healthier mindsets, cultures, and behaviors,
  • much more humane values and standards,
  • greater freedom,
  • real empowerment,
  • higher consciousness,
  • evolved and enlightened leadership, and
  • far more Responsibility.

If you are looking for a return to an old normal. I get it.

But do you want to return to a normal of the same old rat race? Your conversations with me and your reports to the media say not.

You’ve enjoyed lots of the changes from March to December of 2020, for example,

  • less traffic,
  • no commute,
  • cleaner environment,
  • the restoration of nature,
  • more time with those you love, and
  • more time for yourself.

Recently, my friend, colleague, and customer Susan Price asked me a question as I was hiking in a beautiful park while we were catching up. “Christopher, if before COVID-19 began you were told ‘for the better part of a year, maybe longer, you won’t step foot on an airplane and your speaking and workshop business will be gutted’ would you have accepted it?”

My answer was “no.”

And yet here we were, Susan and I, carrying on about how much we were — are! — enjoying life — designing our lives, and not waiting for someone or something external to make things better for us.

I’m betting that millions of enlightened* leaders and coaches (our largest audiences) prefer to create new and enlightened normals instead of returning to the old unenlightened normals.

What about you?

(* By enlightened I don’t mean that you are all-knowing and have arrived atop the mountain complete “woke”. I mean that you know there is more. More light. More humanity. More expression of self. More freedom, choice, and power.)

Let’s make the world a place of greater freedom, choice, and power.

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A Pivot to More Value

A Pivot to More Value

This post began as an email broadcast to the Responsibility Community.

The pivot: As of mid-December 2020 the Responsibility Community email goes all content and no selling to be more valuable and align with our foundation.

BECAUSE Responsibility is foundational to functioning effectively as a human being (whether you seek success, happiness, teamwork, leadership, change, — or even a hot bod, an amazing meal on the beach in Morocco, a sense of calm, or anything else under the sun).

AND, because studying, practicing, and teaching Responsibility is what I am — and by extension, what The Responsibility Company is — all about.

AND, because the world is in more outrageous chaos than usual, and that chaos exposed a significant kink in my business model (and perhaps in life?!?).

THEREFORE, I’m making a change.

(“I” am Christopher Avery. It follows that if I’m pivoting then so is The Responsibility Company. I hope that won’t always be true, and it is true today.)

The Story

I’ve noticed myself complaining internally — and occasionally out loud to Responsibility community confidants — that I want to spend less time managing The Responsibility Company operations and more time creating and delivering valuable Responsibility content. And, that I could not find a way to make the transition since I could not hand off operations yet, and there are only so many hours in a day…

…yadda, yadda, whine, whine.

(Sound familiar? “If only I could get past X then I could Y!” Yes?)

One day, my mentor Bill McCarley (see his picture and short bio on the About page) called me on it. He said that when I get completely clear that I really want to create and deliver content instead of manage operations, then I’ll create content.

(Dang. I know this to be true about commitment and attracting our reality.)

Shizzle. Nailed — right between the eyes. My story (i.e., Justify) evaporated and I was left to face it, to own it.

(In case you are concerned about Bill violating my safety, he has 100% permission from me to assume “mastery-mode” anytime and help me “look” at my own limiting beliefs. He’s an expert at doing it with compassion and precision, for which I remain grateful.

This is what we teach our practitioners and coaches.)

And by the way, this awareness — that I was holding myself back while blaming it on circumstances — is a basic tenet of Responsibility — that we are ALWAYS creating, choosing, and attracting our experience, even when we are not owning that we are.

This is backed by a growing body of research. The quantum physics way of saying this is that our own consciousness creates our external reality. This view is referred to as “biocentrism“.

Quantum physics and biocentrism are great examples of some of the content creation and delivery I look forward to digging into for you in 2021.

The Pivot

So, I’m doing it. We’re pivoting.

I intend to create oodles of free (and hopefully valuable) content about Responsibility thinking.

And, since I’m a writer, I’ll write. Emails. Like this one.

And I’ll email them to all who ask for them.

I’m excited. We’re excited.

(By “we”, I mean my teammates at The Responsibility Company.)

So this is the pivot: I — we — are taking a new path to serve and build our community — you.

The fundamental element of this new path is simple and straightforward: Create and send valuable content free of promos and offers to anyone who wants it.

That’s right, valuable content and no selling.

That means that when you join the community you will never receive a “BUY NOW!!” message in any regular email.

Nope. Never.

No scarcity language.

No arm-twisting.

No indications of lack or not good enough.

No shoulds or “you need to’s.”

No FOMO (fear of missing out).

No psychological ploys.

None of that. It all ends now.


The Inspiration

I have a confession…

I have never felt good about the “permission” marketing approach by which we offer a “lead magnet” and then immediately hit you over the head with a “buy now” campaign. And yet, it is what most “experts” teach and what most marketers do.

So that stops.

This pivot is the next logical step from the recent move we made to raise our standards regarding what we do with your email address.

So then, you may be wondering how will we sell if we don’t send you enticing offers in our emails?

(Or you may not be wondering at all, yet it seems important to address it here, so you know.)

That’s a good question since indeed we are a business. Profit allows us to serve. We intend to be profitable and serve an ever-growing community.

To sell, we will use a strategic marketing framework devised by a couple of smart fellows we have been following and learning from: André Chaperon and Shawn Twing.

The framework is brilliant.

In the valuable content that we email to you, every now and then we will alert you to a specific pain-point or problem for which we believe we may have a solution. If you want more specific content from us about that problem area, then you will click a link in the email which segments you into a sub-group of the Responsibility Community.

We send more problem-specific information to that segment only in a series of emails. And finally, if you raise your hand as a serious prospect for the product that we have in mind, we will send you an offer.

I hope I’m making sense as this is challenging to explain and I don’t want to bore you or over-explain. I’ve written about 2500 words on it all, which I’m calling a Declaration of Intention. I hope to make that available to you soon in some form.

So stay tuned for less “Buy!” and more of me sharing what I think you will find of value.


In exploring and making this decision over the last few weeks, I’ve uncovered some things I want to share with you.


This exploration and decision-process pushed us to examine our foundation and especially our values:

  • Responsibility,
  • Service,
  • Love.

And doing so made this change solid in my mind. As I mentioned above, I’ll write more about this, hopefully soon, but I’ll summarize here:

Responsibility is our prime directive. If I have a problem, and it causes me frustration, then it is mine to own. Since I’ve never loved how I thought we “had” to market (i.e., Obligation), I’ve lived with the frustration without fully owning it. This gives us an opportunity to fully own it.

By Service we mean to actually serve first — i.e., to give — so that value we receive is the effect of value first created for you. I admit to being confronted by this as I’ve steeped myself in copywriting wizardry and the psychology of selling (even if I have not loved it). The invitation is to simply write what I’ve learned in nearly thirty years of Responsibility-thinking and share it with you.

Love — We are all in this together. We experience the same struggles and get to learn the same lessons. I recently heard love defined as “wanting one to experience happiness.” Our old way focused as much on separation and unhappiness(i.e., buy now, scarcity, FOMO, etc.) as on love and happiness. Our new way lets go of that language of separation leaving more pace for connection, community, and the pursuit of happiness


This transition is going to be messy while we tear down the old messaging and landing pages and such, and build the new ones. This concern about messiness could have stopped me. And, it’s going to be okay. Why? Because we’re less focused on Buy Now! and looking good, and we are more focused on creating and delivering valuable content.

I assume that you are willing to put up with a messy transition if we are sincere and providing value.

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Responsibility Answers: What do I do about others making commitments for me?

“A lot of times we just say we want other people to change, but there’s no next step for us there.”

Responsibility Answers

How can I deal with others making commitments for me?

Bryce asks, “Christopher, one part of my company makes promises the other parts have to deliver on and can’t. What can I do about that?”

All of us, who work in any size organization, get to deal with this issue. Like all things related to Responsibility, there isn’t a “quick fix.”

It comes down to asking oneself, “What do I want?” and thinking deeply, listening to your heart, listening to your head, seeing if those two align. If there’s something you want, ask whether that’s the next step for you.

A lot of times we just say we want other people to change, but there’s no next step for us there. Unless we’re actually willing to take Responsibility, and do something to show them the change that you want them to take.

Let’s look at the BIG picture here.

So the bigger picture here, the real, real big picture, if you zoom out to 10,000 feet, is that all organizations are composed of two big pieces, two big dynamics.

One is specialization. Specialization actually disintegrates in the organization, because it drives people into small groupings or isolated areas. The other part is coordination or integration.

There’s this simultaneous pulling apart and pulling back together that is the essence of organization theory, and everything you know about management and leadership is probably tied to have this dance of specialization and coordination/integration.

This is an issue of both specialization and coordination.

The issue of one part of a company making promises, that another part of the company has to deliver on and can’t – that’s both an issue of specialization and coordination.

There’s two ways to manage that. You can either manage it through control, authority, bureaucracy, policy, manipulation, or you can manage it through personal power, mindset, culture, teamwork, leadership.

In other words, to manage it through control means to try and do a better job of being precise about how much lying we can get away with, and how much committing other people to stuff they can’t do we can get away with, and how we hold onto people who are frustrated that they can’t deliver what somebody else promised that they would. All of that.

That doesn’t sound very fun to me, but that’s the way a lot of people do it. It’s easier.

Let’s look at a more effective strategy.

The harder, more effective, more productive, more humane way is through working to align those groups, and align their interests.

Consider how you can host conversations between them about making commitments for other departments, and what you, as an organization, can do about it.

So if it’s small enough, you can probably use the team orientation process, which you can find in my book, Teamwork is an Individual Skill or in our Flawless Team Building workshop.

It’s a process of getting people aligned around common outcomes, and making sure that their inspirations do not cancel each other out. Cancel each other out in terms of being competitive towards each other, or threatening or competing for the same promotion, etc. Then you need to know how to make and keep operating agreements to keep things flowing.

You’re the one who gets to change.

It comes down to no right answer.

If you’re participating in this situation, and it’s a problem for you and you want it to change, then guess what? You’re the one who gets to take Responsibility for doing something about it.

That means getting into your resourceful head space, and asking yourself what you want about this, and what’s the next step that you can do something about.

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Business of News

“The business of the news is to capture your attention, and piss you off or frustrate you or get you emotional.”



Let’s talk about the news.

Statistical analysis of the use of language in news, all media, over the last 50 years shows that the use of dramatic words like awful, bad and horrible has increased dramatically.

Use of more optimistic words like good, hopeful and positive has decreased; and yet the conditions on our planet actually have never been better.

The news is the drama business, and drama sells.

So if you think everything’s horrible on our planet, it’s probably because you’re paying attention to the news.

The business of the news is to capture your attention, and piss you off or frustrate you or get you emotional.

You are the news.

Buckminster Fuller said, “The news is not in the newspapers or on TV, or now on the internet,” said, “You are the news.” When we greet each other and we say, “What’s new?” That’s the news.

For me, the news is what I can touch in my world. The news is keeping up with the difference that I want to make.

Here’s something that you can do today.

Choose your news. Choose what you want to expose yourself to, realize that you and your pursuits and your community is probably your most important news.

If there’s something going on in the world, in the news, that upsets you, then maybe it’s time for you to go do something about it.

How can we help you?

Our Responsibility Answers series is powered entirely by YOUR questions. Have a work place problem? What’s giving you anxiety today? We want to hear about it! Send all your questions to I look forward to hearing from you.

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Space: Power



We promise that the mental state of Responsibility is the mental state of freedom, power, and choice. What does that mean? If you take our definition, Responsibility is owning your power and ability to create, choose and attract.

Through our beliefs, filters and positive and negative programs – we are always completely creating, choosing, and attracting our experience.

In other words, our outer world exactly matches our inner world.

What we’re experiencing in the outer matches the inner expectations – both conscious and unconscious.

We are amazingly powerful all the time, even if we’re not giving ourselves credit for it.

Start giving yourself credit for the life you’re creating. All the good, and all the stuff you’re not as crazy about. The stuff you’re coping with.

Examine your reality.

Are you willing to ask the question, what do I want about this? What is there for me to learn about this? What is there for me to grow into around this? What is there for me to overcome in this challenge?

When you start to ask those questions, then you start to actually use your power consciously. Most of us are using our power unconsciously to stay stuck.

So here’s what you can start doing today.

You can start taking ownership of all of it, all the good and all the bad.

With the bad stuff, let go of the Blame. Let go of the Justify. Let go of the Shame. It’s not about fault, right? It’s about where you are now.

You’re the only one who can overcome your challenges and change your life. I’m powerful enough to do that. You’re powerful enough to do that.

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What We Do With Your Email Address

What We Do With Your Email Address

The more we study Responsibility the more respect we gain for you, and for your freedom, choice, and power. Therefore, we are evolving how we treat your email address — and you.

This article outlines our evolving policy and practice.

Marketing Policy: Respect

The Responsibility Company commits to market with the highest standards of integrity, authenticity, and transparency. We honor your humanity, intelligence, and free will. We respect you, your priceless attention, and your choices.

This means we run a confirmed (double) opt-in contact database and are extremely respectful in our messaging. A smart pivot to love and respect — not psychological ploys meant to induce an impulsive sale — brings us the customers we most want to serve. 

We never provide your email address to any other party. 

You can always choose to stop receiving our emails by clicking the unsubscribe link at the end of every broadcast email.

We comply with international and local laws, regulations, and customs. We welcome input from your area of the world.

We consistently evolve our practices based on the most responsible, loving, and respectful approaches available.

No unwanted emails

We like this definition of spam: “any unwanted email from a company or website”. To honor and respect you, your priceless attention, and your choice, we are taking a number of steps to eliminate spam complaints. 

(We enjoy already low spam complaints. We’re taking them even lower.)


  • By using only confirmed opt-in, explained below, we make it a little harder for us to get and use your email address by asking your explicit permission not once, but twice.
  • Before you give us your email address we tell you what content and frequency to expect from us.
  • We send valuable content much more frequently than we send offers.
  • We continuously discern what our audience likes and doesn’t like, and adjust what we send.

Confirmed Opt-in

We send news, announcements, and content emails only to contacts who have completed a confirmed (or double) opt-in process. A customer who does not confirm their email address will receive only product/service related information and nothing else.

“Confirmed opt-in” means that you give us explicit permission twice:  

  1. First, on our website when you complete a web-form. 
  2. Then again when you receive a confirmation email with a link that you must click to complete the fulfillment process. 

Only then will you receive any promised free resource and be added to our database.

The benefit to you is that you are protected from being added to our database in any other way (for instance, by us buying and using a list, or by someone else or a bot entering your email address in our web form). The downside for you is that if you don’t see the confirmation email (it might go to junk or spam filters, or you delete it as uninteresting), then the request that you initiate will not complete.

The benefit to us is that we have a much higher quality audience. The downside to us is that we have a smaller audience due to drops or failures in the two-step process.


What you read on our website, see in videos, and receive in emails, texts/SMS, or social media reflects this policy of honor, respect, love, and choice. We want to support you for a long time in learning about Responsibility-thinking, building your Responsibility practice, and changing your world.

Content and frequency

We’re upping our game in terms of sending you valuable content more frequently. You might receive multiple emails from us in a week, maybe even multiple emails in a day. 

The majority of these are pure content, meant to help you learn about Responsibility-thinking and build your Responsibility practice. Every now and then we send an offer-focused email (and the offer respects your humanity and intelligence).

Thank you

We acknowledge you and appreciate your interest. Let us know what you think. Send a note to

The Responsibility Process

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If the above policy works for you, learn more about joining the Responsibility Community and receiving our all-content, no-selling emails.

“Between stimulus and response is a space.
In that space is the freedom and power to choose.”

Steven Covey

Responsibility Answers: How can I get others to stop Blaming and Justifying?

“There’s nothing wrong with those people. They’re coping as best they can. You might ask yourself, “What’s in it for them to do that?””

Christopher Avery

Responsibility Answers

How do I get others to stop Blaming & Justifying?

Amanda writes in and asks, “Christopher, how can I get Blaming and Justifying teammates to stop?” So, we’re going to talk about that.

There’s a number of things that I want you to think about, if you can identify that people are Blaming and Justifying.

There’s nothing wrong with them, that’s what the Responsibility Process® teaches.

It says that when we have problems that we don’t know how to take ownership of, we go below the line in the process and we get stuck in Blame or Justify or Shame or Obligation.

There’s nothing wrong with those people. They’re coping as best they can. You might ask yourself, “What’s in it for them to do that?”

There’s a number of reasons that we may be below the line. Our own individual upbringing and training, or programing.

What is it about the system you’re in that’s reinforcing this behavior?

How did this system attract those people? How did it hire them? How did it select them? And how is it reinforcing them?

What leadership messages around Blame and Justify are they getting?

What leadership messages are they getting from you around Justify and Blame?

Remember, it’s 10,000 times easier to see The Responsibility Process in other people than it is to see it in ourselves.

So, how do you get them to stop?

You’ll never get them to stop. You’ll never get yourself to stop. When something goes wrong, you go to Blame. You may not act on it, but your thoughts go there.

You’re never going to stop having thoughts of Blame, and people around you are never going to stop having thoughts and actions of Blaming, Justifying and all the other stages.

Over time, you’ll get better at catching yourself below the line. You’ll cultivate the ability to get to Responsibility faster – and that will help you become a better model for demonstrating Responsibility.

Problems happen all day, every day.

The Responsibility Process gives us a language for talking about problems. Have you introduced the Responsibility Process to your teammates?

Have you asked them for permission to have conversations about how we address things when things go wrong at work?

Watch their response during these conversations.

If their response is one of not very high trust and leeriness, and if they go primarily to self-safety and control, then you might be in an environment that’s just not safe for people to truly take Responsibility.

There’s lots of things for you to think about here.

We’re always here for you. We have a ton of DIY resources, and of course, we have premium resources, as well, to help.

You might want to come to a Quick Start session sometime, or share that resource with your teammates.

It’s an 80 minute quick, deep-dive into the Responsibility Process. And it gets rave reviews from people who’ve done it.

The Responsibility Process

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Stay Connected

As a member of the Responsibility Community, you, your team, family and your organization can be rewarded with ongoing dialogue about what true Responsibility means, how to practice it and what noticeable, positive impacts it brings to life and work.

We are continually seeking and finding new ways to serve and freely share content.

Let us know how we can support you in deepening your own Responsibility practice. Or just send us a kudos. We’d love to hear from you!

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