“It’s Liberating and Exciting that I can Just be Me”

“It’s Liberating and Exciting that I can Just be Me”

Responsibility success stories often give me goosebumps. Especially those that report substantial life change, growth, and release.

Today’s issue is devoted to a story that came my way after the two recent newsletters on mutual blame (Why Can’t My Ex Take Responsibility? and How Do I End the Blamestorm with My Ex?).

This person is excited for me to share their story. Why?

It might help you or another reader own whatever it is that you *think* you have to keep secret.

Here’s their story.

(This post began as a Responsibility Community Newsletter. It takes a minute or two to read.)

Dear Christopher,

This newsletter is so timely. Thank you.

While I’ve been in the diaspora from the Responsibility Immersion and Responsibility Mastery community, I still am working to practice the learnings every day, and I recently had a MAJOR bout of confront leading to more awareness and clear intent.

This is deeply personal and not without pain, but I have finally allowed myself to face and bear truth to something I’ve held for a very very long time.

I am transgender. In the deepest recesses of my being, I identify as a woman.

That took me over 30 years of denial, blame, shame, and justification to embrace as “is” and start to act on it.

And it’s not without pain. My marriage is ending.

Not so much because of my embracing my truth but in response to the fact that I acted in ways that harmed those I loved:

  • I was in the justify trap,
  • I can just keep it all hidden and it will all be better,
  • I can crossdress when I’m alone or traveling,
  • I can maintain a secret social media account to connect with the trans community and explore my feminine side.

But it was lying, and it was harmful.

And it sucks — I broke trust with my best friend and my partner — with my wife. And it is ending our marriage.

And I own it.

I am responsible for my choices. And now I get to navigate the new future – where we are trying to be equitable and amicable and to build the best future for our kids as co-parents and, hopefully, over time, as friends again.

And I get to own my future as me… I am working with a therapist now to figure out the steps. Nothing concrete yet, and I’m still using “John” and “he/him/his” in most settings, but I am committed to walking this path as it is my truth.

And it’s liberating and exciting that I can just be me without hiding it and without fear.

And while it took me a long time to get there, I am grateful for my engagement in Responsibility Immersion and Responsibility Mastery and for your wonderful contributions to the body of knowledge on leadership and responsibility that helped me to get there.

This would have been a really hard message to pen even a month ago.

Now it feels empowering and liberating.

I hope that sometime soon, I will be reintroducing you to me — as Juanita Smith — a confident, powerful, free, and at-choice WOMAN ready to live and lead in her own life.

That day will come soon.

Until then, all my very best to you and yours…

John Smith

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